The iPad Sex Story by Touch Reviews

When i read the Touch Reviews article on the very soon launch of the iPad, it was hardly unnoticable that the author is already in love with the device. I took the liberty to mash-up his article by using his own words, leaving only the crucial and telling parts. Fewer love letters to an electronic device were this … uhm, smooth.

I dubbed it “The iPad Sex Story” because i’ll get more hits that way. :D

“The first pleasure .. beautiful packaging .. get their hands on .. envisage the initial handling .. enjoying the sleek lines and curves .. the weight in my hands .. overall beauty .. more than just skin deep .. lifeless in my hands .. rifling through the accessories .. just soaking in .. one of the first things .. i anticipate .. do the activities .. watching those .. keeps me coming back for more again and again .. larger area to play with .. placed perfectly .. left over from my other activities .. clean, smooth .. full-blown .. my initial impression .. piece.”

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Youtube user wjdforme achieved over 10,000 landings in the iPhone / iPod Touch megahit Flight Control. He’s been at it for a week putting in a couple hours each day. Amazing!

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“There is a rumor going around that Project Natal, because of the way it utilizes the ultra violet spectrum, is not completely functional for gamers with darker skin.”

So goes the news report on VGChartz (link removed, see below). I, for one, think this is just a play to the (highly recommended btw) comedy TV Show Better Off Ted whose episode 4 Racial Sensitivity tagline is: “A new motion-sensor system creates racial problems when it proves unable to sense darker skin.”.

Well, well, well. Who is being made a fool of, here? I mean, come on, Microsoft didn’t test this technology with “dark skinned people”? This problem is just cropping to the surface, right now? I, for one, think it’s hilarious, even though it’s not really fresh material seeing that the same kind of joke aired on TV just recently.


UPDATE: VGChartz has removed the article in the meantime, it’s no longer on their website. They explain it on the VGChartz Twitter account on reply to user “litheon” as follows:

“@litheon We do fact check. We are reliable. We reported that story as a rumor. Then decided it shouldn’t even be that and removed it.”

They also said they were one of about 20 sites reporting the rumor. Which, personally, makes me wonder what kind of journalism spreads rumors like these which are – given some form of common sense and an intellectual individual – should at least have a sentence added to it questioning the rumor. A rumor which – given a little bit of school science knowledge – can be easily debunked as highly improbable, to say the least. And common sense would tell you that given that the players aren’t naked but wearing fabrics of varying kind and color, the amount of skin exposed to Project Natal’s camera can be as low as 10-20% (my best guess).

Which isn’t to say that some people wouldn’t be playing with 100% skin exposed, though. You can get the idea from this Penny Arcade comic (look closely):

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Slightly embarrassing …

The BattleForge manual shows the colors of the magic powers. Ironically the manual is printed in black and white. Upps …

BattleForge Colors from the Black & White Manual

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Do we really want our kids to face the postapocalyptic scenario without any training whatsoever?

On a related note, i can’t see what the fuss is about. Violent video games, in german often referred to as “Killerspiele”, are already rated as mature and can’t legally be sold to minors. Politicians want to protect the kids but they’re totally missing the point here – all they would achieve is take away mature games for mature players from the market while making the games even more interesting to minors because they are now forbidden by law to even own or play them, even under supervision. How cool is that?

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© 2010 Steffen Itterheim aka Gaming Horror